When a family chooses cremation and a simple memorial, they often prefer that mourners give to a cause rather than send bouquets that quickly fade. The phrase "in lieu of flowers" is how obituaries and memorial notices redirect that generosity. Getting the wording right feels delicate, though, especially while grieving.
This guide gives you copy-ready "in lieu of flowers" phrasing for obituaries and announcements, practical memorial donation ideas, and etiquette for both families and guests. If you are still writing the notice itself, pair this with our how to write an obituary guide.
What "In Lieu of Flowers" Really Means
The phrase simply signals a preference: instead of floral arrangements, the family suggests another way to honor the person. It is never a demand, and guests are always free to send flowers anyway if that is how they wish to express sympathy.
Families choose this approach for several reasons:
- The deceased supported a specific cause or charity.
- A direct cremation or memorial without a service means there is no venue to display flowers.
- The family wants donations to fund research, scholarships, or a shelter that mattered to their loved one.
Because it is a suggestion, soft language ("the family requests" or "the family suggests") reads better than anything that sounds obligatory.
In Lieu of Flowers Wording You Can Copy
Below are ready-to-use lines. Swap in the name, cause, and any web address. Keep it to one or two sentences so it fits naturally in an obituary.
General Charity
- "In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name]."
- "The family kindly requests that, in lieu of flowers, contributions be made to [Charity Name] in [Name]'s memory."
- "In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to a charity close to your heart."
Specific Cause or Research
- "In lieu of flowers, the family suggests gifts to the [Disease] Research Foundation."
- "Memorial contributions in lieu of flowers may be directed to [Hospice Name], with gratitude for their compassionate care."
Flexible or Personal Tribute
- "In lieu of flowers, honor [Name] by performing an act of kindness or spending time with someone you love."
- "In lieu of flowers, the family welcomes donations to [Name]'s memorial scholarship fund."
If Flowers Are Still Welcome
- "Flowers are welcome, or if preferred, donations may be made to [Charity Name]."
For more on tone and sympathy language, our guide on what to say when someone dies can help you find the right words.
Memorial Donation Ideas
If you are the family deciding where to point gifts, or a guest choosing how to give, consider these options.
| Type of gift | Examples | Good when |
|---|---|---|
| Health charities | Disease research, hospitals, hospice | Illness played a role |
| Animal welfare | Shelters, rescues, wildlife funds | The person loved animals |
| Community causes | Food banks, libraries, veterans groups | Local roots mattered |
| Faith or education | Church, alma mater, scholarships | Values-driven tribute |
| Memorial fund | Family-created fund or trust | To cover costs or a cause |
A memorial fund can also help a family facing cremation costs or medical bills. If you go this route, name a trusted person to manage it and be transparent about how gifts will be used.
Etiquette for Families
A few guidelines keep the request gracious and clear:
- Name the charity when you can. Guests appreciate a specific destination; a vague request often results in no gift at all.
- Include how to give. Add a website, mailing address, or note that the funeral home will forward donations.
- Never state amounts. Suggesting a dollar figure is considered poor etiquette.
- Allow flexibility. Phrases like "or a charity of your choice" respect guests who feel strongly about a different cause.
- Say thank you. Many charities notify the family of gifts made in a person's name, which makes acknowledgment easier.
Etiquette for Guests
If you are on the receiving end of an "in lieu of flowers" request, here is how to respond respectfully:
- Honor the request when you can. It reflects the family's wishes.
- Give in the person's name. Most charities offer a memorial or tribute option at checkout and will send the family a notice.
- A card still matters. A donation does not replace a handwritten note of sympathy; send both.
- Flowers are not forbidden. If flowers feel more meaningful to you, sending them is not a breach of etiquette.
For gift ideas beyond donations, see our roundup of sympathy gifts after cremation.
Helpful Resources
Trusted sources for giving and end-of-life planning:
- IRS: Tax Exempt Organization Search -- confirm a charity is legitimate and deductible.
- FTC: Donating Safely and Avoiding Scams -- how to vet a charity before you give.
Related guides on this site:
Frequently Asked Questions
Is "in lieu of flowers" rude or presumptuous?
No. When phrased as a suggestion, it is widely accepted and often appreciated because it gives mourners a meaningful way to help. Using soft language like "the family suggests" keeps it gracious rather than demanding.
Can I send flowers anyway if the obituary says in lieu of flowers?
Yes. The phrase expresses a preference, not a rule. If flowers feel like the right way for you to show sympathy, sending them is perfectly acceptable, though honoring the family's stated wish is a thoughtful gesture.
How do I word in lieu of flowers in an obituary?
Keep it to one sentence naming the cause: "In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name]." Add a website or address so guests know exactly how to give, and avoid mentioning any dollar amounts.
Should I still send a sympathy card if I donate?
Yes. A donation and a handwritten note serve different purposes. The card offers personal comfort, while the gift honors the request. Sending both is the most thoughtful approach.
How does the family know I donated?
Most charities offer a memorial or tribute giving option that notifies the family of the gift, usually without disclosing the amount. When you donate, enter the deceased's name and the family's mailing address if prompted.
Can donations help cover cremation costs?
Yes. Families sometimes set up a memorial fund to offset cremation or medical expenses. If you are facing costs yourself, our guide to cremation for families on a budget outlines low-cost options and assistance.